Photo: Courtesy of Tanya Armstrong
Interview by Editors
After coming through this journey, I now know that I can do it! It’s when you lose what you thought you needed that God will show you your true strength. There are times that He has to pull people and things away from you that will not take you to the places He is trying to get you to go. Repeat these words: “I am stronger than this. I am stronger than the person who left me. I am stronger than this pain. I am stronger than the hurt. I am stronger than what I thought I needed. I will survive because weeping my endure for a night, but joy, true joy, comes in the morning. I thank you for strength?” – Excerpt from the book The Moment I Decided To “Own It”…
The Moment I Decided To “Own It” is your first novel where you write about your failed marriage? Why was it important to share your story?
I was talking to a friend one Sunday evening and I was sharing with her some of the frustrations that I was dealing with in regards to my divorce and my ex-husband. She told me that I needed to write a book about what I was going through and I thought no one wanted to hear my story. So I took her advice and when I started to write I began the process of healing and it was then that I realized that this was much bigger than myself. I wanted my daughters to know what I went through to give them the opportunity to make different choices but then it became much more, I wanted other women and even men going through or coming out of the same thing to realize that there is life past the pain, hurt and disappointment. And to never get stuck in that moment but to take away from all of the experiences so that you can learn and grow…but never get stuck!
Women will likely understand your transparency about a failed relationship, but how do you want the men to receive what you’ve written?
I want them to understand that failure in a relationship is just not one person it is truly the combination of both people. That while men come into relationships with their own baggage, we as women do as well. And that ultimately if BOTH individuals do not work on themselves and “OWN” their own issues the relationship will not work. Also, I want men to realize that one bad decision doesn’t only affect the couple, it affects the marriage, the children and the family unit. So if a person is teetering on whether to cheat I want them to see the damage that their choice leaves behind.
What was the hardest part about deciding to write your story? What did you learn during the process?
The hardest part was being completely transparent and owning my own issues and looking at who I truly was to him (my ex). Sharing with the reader intimate details about not only who I was but the things I had been through and revisiting past pains and wounds. While it would have been a lot easier to write about and blame my ex-husband for everything the reality is that my marriage ended because two people failed each other. It was having to own my own issues and look at who I truly was not only to my children but to my ex.
How did your family respond to your book? Were your children involved?
My two older children were extremely supportive about my decision to write this book. They are very proud that I wrote my story. My last three, a 7-year-old and 5-year- old twins have no clue. They just see books in my room that I tell them do not touch.
How has coaching and mentoring others helped you?
It has allowed me the opportunity to see myself in other people and help heal the hurt that they are feeling. It allows me to give them the tools that I wished I had at different times in my life to make different choices.
What would you say to women unhappy in a relationship?
First to pray and seek direction from God on where he wants the relationship to go and in the meantime work on you. Take the time to do the work. It’s not an easy process to see the good, bad, and ugly about yourself and to work on the areas that need improvement but it’s worth it. Also love yourself enough to never settle for anything less than what God has for you.
Where can people order the book? And how can they stay connected?
Tanya Armstrong was born in Morristown, NJ to Caribbean immigrants. She grew up in Morristown until her parents relocated to Orlando, FL where she spent her teenage years. Tanya spent many summers in Jamaica with her maternal grandparents where this sense of family was imprinted on her from an early age. She witnessed the close family bonds and knew that when she grew up that was the life she would have. My purpose for being on this earth is to help others recognize, develop, and use their God-given intuitive abilities to ease suffering and grow in goodness, love, compassion, and wisdom. My mission is to help make our lives much happier and easier. My desire is to help each of us connect to the love that is eternal. That is the reason for our existence.